Monday, 14 January 2013

NY cheer and a question...What is your deepest fear?

Its been a while since I last posted on my blog.  I hope you all haven't forgot about me and will continue to read them as and when I post them through out this New Year.  YES its a new year.  Its 2013.  Its strange how days, weeks, months and years just seem to pass by the older you get.  It feels like it was only yesterday when we witnessed Harrison Daly falling asleep stood up in 5th Ave.  Oh those were the days....  However, the last NYE was up there with the best of them. 

The night started back at H's.  It was the first time I had ever experienced the game drunken tower.  I soon realised that I did not have enough beer for this and was soon fobbed off to the shop to get some more supplies.  As the night went on we introduced Mikey Hoyle to the game of  "Gauntlet". For those who do not no..Gauntlet is a horrible game that should be banned in all countries.  Its a card game in which one has to get rid of ones cards in a manor where oneself has to in bide the value of the card placed down, or save it and gamble thus nominating the value of the card to a fellow player to in bide.  The loser is the one at the end with the most cards left. As we were only playing with one deck, its advised to try and just get rid of your cards. Suffice to say I kind of new I would be losing when I was dealt 4 x 3's.....However as my tummy was a little Dicky from the virus ( and not because I cant do I am well hard and a monster at drinking) I did not complete my fines.  Once everyone was a little tipsy, we ventured into MANC Town.  We were all sick of the same old same old NYE.  So this year and thanks to Mark and George coming up with the idea. We all went to see Frank Turner live at Gorilla Bar in Manchester. The Gig was awesome and the atmosphere surrounding us was unmissable. There was such a warm feeling of content and satisfaction. The drinks were good, the music was good the company was excellent. Great night out all in all.  I think the only thing that was upset at the end of the night was my empty purse. However well and truly worth it.  So its a little belated, But I Hope everyone in their own way had an awesome NYE.

Okay so its January.  And for most people its the worst month of the calendar year.  But I look at January in a whole new light.  Its the first month of  your "NEW" year.  Forget all those NYE resolutions that you tend to break after a day or so.  Its time to start the new year as you mean to go on.  Start positive.  Start your New year braver.  Want more from yourself and value yourself with a great importance.  Fill your need for success and greatness with a new ambition and desire to be better. Want more from yourself and for the people around you.  Believe that this year is your year.  Work harder this year.  Embrace opportunity as and when it arises. Set new goals, strive to reach them. 

Everyone is on a journey, its not written down on a map, nor is it set out in the stars.  There are no signposts, nor a yellow brick road to follow.  Its a journey that completely depends on choices made by yourself.  And that's what makes this world a wonderful place.  Everything is choice.  There are no right or wrong answers. We all know now that towards the latter end of 2012, I chose to pick myself back up.  It was my choice to carry on with my journey and It was my choice to speak about it so openly. I don't feel regret any more.  I am proud of all of the choice I have made in my life.  I have learnt that no matter what other people perceive them as, be it good or bad choices, They are my choice and mine alone.  They have got me to the place I am at right now.... 

....And on that note it kindly brings me to question in the title.  

Okay so one thing I have been doing, other then running myself ragged in a gym, is contemplating.  It was Friday last week, the night before our first Hockey game back.  I was drafting this blog.  I started reading it back to myself, and I started to question what I was writing down.  I started worrying whether it was sounding too preachy.  I was starting to worry.  "What if people don't read this?". "What if they have all lost interest?".  What if this, what if that....In the background I was watching coach carter with Sam L Jackson.  I love that film.  If you haven't seen the film please watch it.  I swear to god that film inspired me to want to coach. Anyway I'm getting side tracked. So back to the point....I was thinking all these things and Coach Carter was in the background. In the film there's a kid called Timo Cruz.  Timo was a kid with immense talent. He had the potential to be truly great.  Unfortunately for Timo he hid all this talent and potential behind his life style.  He had bad attitude.  He made himself the big man. He disrespected authority. He Played the joker card.  Coach carter throughout the film had a rough time with this kid.  But he never gives up on him.  Coach Carter is constantly asking Timo "What is your deepest fear?"  and It got me thinking.  What is my deepest fear? So I sat there. I stopped what I was doing and took a sip of my brew.  I started listing things in my head. Was it wasps? I am absolutely petrified of them, but is that my deepest fear? No.  I back tracked through out my life. And started to view it in 3rd person.  And then it hit me. All I have ever done in my life was to seek attention.  I would do anything to get recognition. Not a lot of it was good.  I invited banter that was never really deserved, I accepted it and played on it so I could be the centre of attention. Was my deepest fear, that I was inadequate? Hmmm, On that last sentence I leave you with this quote.  This was the answer Timo Cruz gave to coach Carter after months of being asked "What is your deepest Fear?"

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Peace out boys and girls.

No Pain No Gain

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