Wednesday, 23 January 2013

((Intensity + Passion) x (Fatigue - Intelligence)) + Time = Hindsight - Integrity

Decision making  can be regarded as the mental processes resulting in the selection of a course of action among several alternative scenarios. Every decision making process produces a final choice. The output can be an action or an opinion of choice.

Decision making is a skill that some people have the luxury of being born with.  But for the majority of us we learn this skill through time and experience.  Its 'In the heat of Battle' where we as humans are tested the most.  Emotion can play a massive part in this process. Emotions can effect your judgement and directly influence you to make rash Decisions based on no depth of thought.  

For example.  This can be best described within an argument or a misunderstanding, where two or more strong minded personalties clash. Things are said, opinions are aired and final judgements made.  As humans we are all unique.  We all process our thoughts differently. We all deal with our emotions in our own way. Some people are better than this than others.

For me... 
...I'm an all or nothing type of guy.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I bleed determination. I sweat passion. I put unnecessary pressure on myself to succeed.  I feed on positives. I strive to greater myself.  I believe in myself.

One thing that haunts rash decisions is hindsight.  Hindsight is the ability to understand what should have been done or what caused an event after something has happened.  Hindsight is one of those phenomenons You wish you access at any given time.  This phenomenon struck me late Monday evening whilst I was half way through a run on the treadmill.  

I didn't have the best weekend to be honest. I was annoyed with the stupid weather.  I was disappointed Hockey was cancelled again.  I Still couldn't sleep properly and my muscles and brain were zapped from a combination of intense work outs and a monotonous job.  So this kindly brings me to the title of this Blog today.  

"((Intensity + Passion) x (Fatigue - Intelligence))  + Time = Hindsight - Integrity"

Don't worry its not the answer to the age old question ' What is the meaning of life', however it sums up for me what happened this weekend.  I will break this down for you.

Intensity + Passion = My personality
Fatigue - Intelligence = My condition
Time = Well time (in this case a constant)
Hindsight - Integrity = How I feel.

Okay so all that being said, here we go. 

I woke up Saturday morning in an Horrendous mood. I was completely up for Hockey all I wanted to do was to get on that pitch and do what I love the most.  I was really annoyed training was called off the previous Tuesday. I want to train I want to better myself, I don't want to lose any match fitness.  Because of this I increased the intensity of my work outs in the gym.  I wanted to do more for longer.  I wanted to ensure that I would be in prime condition for our next game.

Friday night I didn't sleep very well.  With this increase of intensity and now a decrease in rest, my body was not in balance.  This lack of balance effected my neural system I.E the brain. So when My captain asks why am I not at the club for a meeting, and I am showing a poor attitude. My reaction was defensive.

So to cut a long story short...When one 
(being me in this case) is confronted with an accusation against one's nature.  One's brain due to fatigue is somewhat lame and does not process information in the right manor.  Which can resort into snappy, thoughtless remarks and actions based purely on emotion.  Then we bring time into play.  As time goes by ones body becomes somewhat balanced again. And in this period of balance the phenomenon hits you.  

So there I am casually running along.  Each step a stomp of pure anger and rage, when my brain goes POP.  You were a penis on Saturday.  I start to feel kind of guilty and embarrassed because of my actions. I start to feel like i have let a lot of people down.  My captain, My team and My coach.  But Most importantly I let myself.  My integrity is shattered.  I have worked so hard over the past 3 or so months to get to where I am now.  I will never let something as stupid as this ruin my progression. 

I admit I was wrong, out of line and immature. There is a hunger that continues to burn in my stomach.  I am a wynner. I want to be the best.  Battle against the best. Battle with the best.  I will work harder in the future no matter what the circumstances to be 100% committed.  I will bear thought to peoples opinions and accept them not as a negatives, but as a challenge to prove them wrong. 
Harrison Daly, Sale 1's, Rob Riley, I Hope you can all accept my sincere apologies.


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