“Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behaviour, feelings, world view and physical well-being. Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions and may contemplate or attempt suicide.”
Its funny... 3 months ago I was in a place where I was finding it hard to find enjoyment in what I do. The depression was rotting me away inside and was starting to affect every part of my life. I found it really hard to be me. I found it even harder to love what I do. Be it Coaching, Hockey, Going out out or work. Nothing seemed to click. I found it easier just to keep myself to myself and hibernate in my room with my Xbox. It was an easy way out. It was a lot easier then facing anyone. It was a hell of a lot easier then facing the fears and demons floating around in my somewhat over worked head.
Did I make the right decision? I look back now, and say yes and no. I needed some escapism. I needed time to think, breathe and time to analyse everything and put it all into perspective. But in hindsight, I could have done all this by using the friends and family that care for me. There was balance in my life that was defiantly not weighing up. I started to feel that I was doing things because I had too. Rather, than because I wanted to, or because I enjoyed doing them.
That’s not anyway to live your life. It’s not how I wanted to live mine. I had to change. I had to find the cause of these feelings and confront them.
My first step was to admit to myself that I needed to change. Thanks to Rob, that pretty much was drilled into me by using his well rehearsed “Broken Record Technique”.
Secondly I needed to find enjoyment in my day-to-day life. So I wrote a checklist.
1) Find a new job Done
2) Get fit in progress
3) Enjoy playing Hockey Done
4) Enjoy coaching Done
5) Meet new people Done
6) Regain my confidence in progress
So as you can see I have come a long way in only 3 months.
I am not going to into detail with why I fell into depression, nor should I. They are my demons. I need to fight them. I will never forget where I have been but only learn and better myself from it. I am stronger then ever right now. I feel a million times better than I was a few months back. I am proud of myself again. Okay my room is a mess and sometimes I don’t bother to do my hair, but that’s just because I'm lazy lol. I am driven and determined to reach my goals. I don’t just think I will achieve them I know I will. I can see myself running through the proverbial chequered flag. Standing on the top of the podium collecting my prize. I know this because I am working harder than ever to get there. Nothing comes for free in this world. Work hard and then work harder. Strive to be the greatest at what you do. Believe you are the greatest at what you do. If you believe in you and have self-confidence, everybody will believe in you. “The power to change and better oneself is hidden within each any everyone of us.”
To finish i am going to focus on the new me. The better me. The immense me. That's me David John Luke Wynne. I am currently enrolling on my level 2 coaching course and honestly would like feed back from either coaches and players i coach. What can i do better? what am i doing good? I always want to improve and i find this technique good for me. Oh and don't worry i wont take offence.
Now I know this Blog seems a bit off topic, but depression affects million of people each day. Some of them are not as lucky as I was. I have great friends and family. So I wanted to raise the awareness of the subject. Please help support anyone who is suffering.
Below are some useful links
Its one year to the day that MBE Gary Speed pasted away. I actually had the pleasure of meeting him. There are no other words more fitting to describe him other than LAD. RIP Gary.
Thanks for reading.